Bad day, bad, bad, bad day. Everything was so stiff this morning when I woke up, my whole left arm and shoulder, so much pain in my elbow I couldn’t move it. Worst of all I must have accidentally slept on my right arm and the ulnar half of my hand was completely numb and the elbow was so painful to move. The hilarious thing (looking back now, not at the time!!) was I desperately needed the toilet and couldn’t get out of bed quickly, I didn’t know which arm to try and use!!.
When I had got over that hurdle my right hand eventually started coming alive again and then I had an awful realisation…. I had pre-op nerve pain in my left elbow and hand and the two finger ends (little and ring) were completely numb again. This hit me hard, I was having thoughts of a failed operation, what would I do if it hadn’t worked and I didn’t get better? And then there would be no hope for my right arm either? How would I work? Live? I was a mess for a couple of hours and to make it worse this was the first time I had been left on my own and had nobody to slap me out of it.
I think i actually let out all the pent up emotion I had been feeling for the last few weeks (and months) and after a while I felt a bit better and the pre-op symptoms subsided and some of the feeling came back in my hand, Phew!!! My partner came home from work at lunch because of the upset of seeing me in so much pain/anguish in the morning and inability to concentrate on anything at work because of worrying what was happening at home. I think it is a good reminder that this kind of operation and recovery isn’t just difficult and demanding for the person going through it, I was certainly glad of the company.
I managed to get 7 sets of stretches done in the afternoon/evening despite the pain and then did little else, after having a bath I was more than ready for this day to be over.
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